unhappiness sucks

Posted: August 21, 2014 in Uncategorized

I am sitting here on a Thursday afternoon, wishing I had money to take the bus to this temp job I found. It only pays nine bucks an hour but who cares, right? The sad part is that I have a bf who has a car and he won’t drive me because he sucks ass.

Why on earth am I here? Why can’t I just not wake up in the morning.? OH wait I know why it’s cuz there is no god.



Life hurts

Posted: August 18, 2014 in Uncategorized

I don’t understand why these meds are not working. Latuda and Buspar.

You Know Someone with PTSD

Posted: August 17, 2014 in Uncategorized

Originally posted on Emergent Visions:

Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) happens to a person when an event, or number of events, overwhelm them. Stressful events like being at war, abuse, rape, or even witnessing something can trigger this normal response to an abnormal situation.

It can happen to anyone. You know someone with PTSD and may not realize it.

PTSD is a real physical injury to the brain.

There is still a stigma attached to PTSD. Most of it is from misinformation.

The traumatic conditions that lead to PTSD are usually so severe and so extraordinary that they cause distress in almost anyone. The events usually happen very quickly and they are perceived as dangerous to us and the people near us at the time. They overwhelm normal coping strategies. The symptoms actually make perfect sense when you realize how overwhelming a situation was. Trauma is a wound and PTSD is a very deep and emotional wound. It is a wound of the mind and…

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Robin Williams

Posted: August 11, 2014 in Uncategorized


I can only imagine the pain he must have been in. Poor guy. At least his suffering is over. Just goes to show you that money and fame won’t make a person happy.

Originally posted on HarsH ReaLiTy:

Rest in peace you funny man. Release your troubles of this world and know that you will be missed. There are those that understand where you once were and are therefore happy to see you escape from despair. Know I where you now rest? No… I do not, nor do I care to guess. I hope these words still find you still if possible.

We share smiles and provide laughs for an audience, becoming easily forgotten that we wear a human face. Inner demons are beaten down, but not beaten out. They lie in wait for moments in the night when we are away from the comforts that protect us. And rising like serpents they seek to slay the light we desperately guard. Our candle flickers in the darkness, a signal of our struggle.

As our shade rises in the sky we are joined by others on the same journey. Sadly…

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Originally posted on TIME:

It’s a terrifying scene. A woman is being held down by two men in an empty bus in India— her brow is furrowed, her body contorted, one hand is digging into the thigh of the man gripping her torso and the other is unsuccessfully pushing away the man kissing her thigh. It’s almost the nightmare we imagined when news broke in 2012 of a fatal gang rape in New Delhi when a 23-year-old physiotherapy student dubbed Nirbhaya (“fearless”) was lured on a bus and attacked by six men. Except the woman in this image is wearing a ball gown and the men are in couture dress pants. Because this is fashion photography.

Indian photographer Raj Shetye published the image in a fashion spread called The Wrong Turn last week…

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One day xox

Posted: August 8, 2014 in Uncategorized


Nope never will happen. I am convinced of this. Maybe that’s why it will not happen. I like being broken.

Originally posted on kelzbelzphotography:


I love this xox

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Posted: August 8, 2014 in Uncategorized

Is the mother of hatred. 

I am so sick and tired of being sick and tired. I am tired of being bitched at for every little tiny thing that goes wrong in this house. I am now earning money and trying to help out around here. It does not matter. I am still worthless in his eyes. I despise my own bf. I do love him in some ways.

urgh. Please God just let me not wake up tomorrow. Hah fat fucking chance. I do not believe in God anymore. I really don’t. I do not think I ever really did. I have a hard time believing things I can prove much less those things that others take on faith. 

All this trauma merely makes my brain want heroin.

It’s been FOUR LONG years without it. Now I can’t even smoke weed due to being involved in a domestic violence case with said bf. Fucking shit sucks. Someone just kill me now. I wish I had someone to talk to.