and for my next magic trick

GONNA BE A BEAR

In this life I’m a woman. 
In my next life, I’d like to come back as a bear.

When you’re a bear, you get to hibernate. 
You do nothing but sleep for six months. 
I could deal with that.

Before you hibernate, you’re supposed to eat yourself stupid. 
I could deal with that, too.

When you’re a girl bear, you birth your children (who are the size of walnuts) while you’re sleeping and wake to partially grown, cute cuddly cubs. 
I could definitely deal with that.

If you’re a mama bear, everyone knows you mean business. 
You swat anyone who bothers your cubs. 
If your cubs get out of line, you swat them too. 
I could deal with that.

If you’re a bear, your mate EXPECTS you to wake up growling. 
He EXPECTS that you will have hairy legs and excess body fat.

Yup… gonna be a bear.