I can’t find it anymore. I think I really am going to go crazy for real. I am trying to maintain the facade that all is well..
the strain is incredibly draining to the soul – it would be a lot easier to deal with shit if I had someone who gave a shit. Instead I am stuck with this person that I can’t seem to get away from – and he’s not at all supportive of me in the slightest. I am just in such an apathetic state right now. I imagine it will pass. But I am right now wishing I were anywhere but here.
I went to three job interviews on Monday. Today is Wednesday, too soon to hear back but I am anxious. I badly need to earn an income again. Money is all that matters in this shitty world. Money is all that stands between me and freedom once again. Funny how that works…they say money does not buy happiness, I say bullfuckingshit on that. It damn sure does, because you can not even exist without money in this world.
Someone told me once that love trumps money. I said yeah ok..try eating love honey. Times like this I wish I believed in God or something for pete’s sakes. I don’t believe in higher power BS anymore. I have no reason to.