Is the mother of hatred. 

I am so sick and tired of being sick and tired. I am tired of being bitched at for every little tiny thing that goes wrong in this house. I am now earning money and trying to help out around here. It does not matter. I am still worthless in his eyes. I despise my own bf. I do love him in some ways.

urgh. Please God just let me not wake up tomorrow. Hah fat fucking chance. I do not believe in God anymore. I really don’t. I do not think I ever really did. I have a hard time believing things I can prove much less those things that others take on faith. 

All this trauma merely makes my brain want heroin.

It’s been FOUR LONG years without it. Now I can’t even smoke weed due to being involved in a domestic violence case with said bf. Fucking shit sucks. Someone just kill me now. I wish I had someone to talk to.


4 thoughts on “unhappyness”

  1. I can’t say I’ve been there because I’ve never done heroine. You have a lot of shit going on at one time. A couple of things I would like to say, you can beat the shit out of me later. YOU ARE WORTHY, plain and simple, if come away with anything from my comments, get those words in your brain, heart, under you skin, every time you want to do drugs or drink. YOU ARE WORTHY. No bullshit on that one. You’re in tremendous pain, no shit right? I don’t have the answers, you do. I’ve had a pretty tough life, you know, you went to my page, you’re now following me. At least until you read this comment. You’re seeing someone for help if you’re getting psych drugs, not a lot of those on the street. What I do know, I’m here with my hand outreaching for you offering support. I’ve been down some of the same paths, they suck, other’s I haven’t, the heart can feel pain and respond no matter the roads taken. Say I’m full of shit, fuck off, I would in your shoes. I’m asking you not to. Take my hand if you dare. I’m sending you a big ass huge, you also need your ass kicked but I’ll stick with the hugs. I’m here and awake. Talk to me.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. thank you for your thoughts and well wishes. I am feeling better today. Not gonna do heroin again. It nearly destroyed me once. I’d rather not go thru that again. Thanks so much…it’s good to know someone cares.


      1. Hi Kendra,

        I’m Melinda.
        I’m happy and surprised you replied. I don’t normally talk that rough, you were so down and hurting, I thought it was the only way to reach you. Glad you’re feeling better. Is pain and struggle with depression long term and always so dark? I know darkness quite well, struggle with drugs and not giving a shit about anything. It sucks. I do care and I’m here for you. Please reply.


  2. Hey Kendra-
    Talk to me. What’s going on in your life right now? You’ve been to my site a couple of times. I hope you read about the shit I’ve been thru. That doesn’t mean I know any more than you do. My life is a work in progress. Like you some days are far worse than others. You didn’t talk about your depression in you’re reply. The Black Dog has hunted me down my entire life. Talk to me, about anything. I’m here, take my hand and let’s battle the struggle together. I’m looking forward to you grabbing my hand. Hugs. I do care!


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